HELP written in red
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7 Answers to Questions About Drinking – A Candid Confession

Actually, all of Claire’s 7 answers to questions about drinking were “yes” in this previous post. That should have been a clear enough answer. But as we sat there, something didn’t feel finished. That’s the thing about truth—it doesn’t always reveal itself in neat little packages.

One question led to another. Then another. By the time we had stopped, Claire’s 7 answers to questions about drinking led to 27 more.

This wasn’t just about alcohol anymore. It was about something deeper. Something heavier.

If you’ve ever wondered why you reach for a drink—even when you don’t really want to—Claire’s answers may feel uncomfortably familiar.

Questions, Questions

(My questions are in regular text; Claire’s answers are in italics.)

Me: Why do you want a drink?
Claire’s answer: It makes me feel better.

Feel better about what?
About my day.

What is going on?
Nothing, really.

Do you feel lonely?
Sometimes.

You’ve Got A Friend?

Do you find that you treat alcohol as a friend?
A friend? That’s stupid!

Why is it stupid?
Alcohol’s not a person. It’s just a drink.

She scoffed, but there was something in her voice. A hesitation.

How many times had she reached for a drink the way someone reaches for comfort?
When things go wrong, plus when the day feels like too much.
Also when loneliness creeps in.

Why do you choose alcohol instead of going out with your friends?
No one’s ever available anymore when I call them up.

Why do you think that is?
I’ve no idea. Maybe they just don’t like me anymore?

Why would you think that?
Well, Josie said I’m fun to be around until I’ve had too much to drink.

What happened?
Josie said I spilled my beer on her on purpose.

Did you?
What? No! Oh, alright, yes, I was just having fun.

When “Fun” Isn’t Fun Anymore

Why did you think that was fun and an OK thing to do?
Well, she was sitting there with her glass of Diet Coke, acting all prim and proper.

And that made you feel like…?
Like I was a loser. She just had one beer and then switched to Diet Coke. Why can’t I just have one drink and then stop?

Silence.

For the first time, Claire looked uncomfortable. As if the words had settled into the air between us and she didn’t like what they meant.

Why do you drink, Claire?
It brings me out of my shell. I don’t seem as dull and boring.

Why is that important?
Because I don’t want to be thought of as dull and boring!

Why not?
Because …

Because of what?
Well, that’s what my ex-husband said I was!

Why Does It Matter What The Ex Says?Ah. There it was.

Ah. There it was.

Your ex, ah. Why does it matter what your ex says or thinks?
I don’t know, really because I wanted to be everything to him. I cooked and cleaned, kept a clean house, worked 50 hours a week so we could have things. And I’d have a few drinks because I’d get stressed out.

Why did you want to be ‘everything’ to him?
Because I loved him, that’s why!

Did he leave you?
Yes.

Why did he leave you?
He said he didn’t want to live with a drunk anymore. I told him I had a problem and he needed to help me.

So what happened?
He said he didn’t know how to help and that he was tired of me always having a beer in my hand. He hated kissing me because I always tasted of beer. It’s not like he doesn’t drink—well, he might have a beer on the weekend, that’s it.

He Thinks I’m “A Loser”

So I take it he doesn’t get drunk?
No. I get so jealous of that. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I then get angry at him when he calls me a loser.

Is that why you shared your story with me?
Yes. I don’t want to be a loser. I’m NOT a loser! I just don’t know how to stop drinking! Can you help me?

The anger in her voice was real. But so was the fear behind it.

New Rituals…

Claire, I’ll do my best.

We have to work on creating a new ritual.

Ritual?

Yes, we have to create new brain associations.

Brain associations? What are you talking about?

Almost everything we do is linked to a ritual way of living.

This is what most people don’t realize about addiction. It’s not just about “wanting” a drink. It’s about the patterns, the habits, the small unconscious triggers that make a drink feel inevitable.

Right now, Claire’s life is built around a ritual where alcohol is the reward, the escape, the comfort. And the thing about rituals? You don’t just break them. You replace them.

OK, so how do I do that?

What Comes Next

Now go write down your own 7 answers to questions about drinking, and in this blog post I’ll talk about why creating a “new ritual” is the second most important step to becoming sober—and what the first step is.

See you over there.

Where Do You Go From Here?

If Claire’s story sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Healing starts with one decision—deciding to try. If you or someone you love is struggling with alcohol, I invite you to join me at A New Sober You where we’re building a community of people ready for change.

You don’t have to do this alone.

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