7 Answers and a Candid Confession

by SusanANSYupdated on May 5, 2024December 22, 2021

Actually, Claire said “yes” to all 7 questions in the previous post. We thought it was time to dig a little deeper. It turned into the need to ask even more questions.

27 questions to be exact, before we got to the root of her drinking problem.

Don’t be surprised if you “see yourself” in Claire’s answers. I think we’ve all felt, “not good enough” at some point in our lives.

Questions, Questions

(My questions are in regular text; Claire’s answers are in italics.)

Me: Why do you want a drink?
Claire’s answer: It makes me feel better.

Feel better about what? About my day

What is going on? Nothing, really.

Do you feel lonely? Sometimes

You’ve Got A Friend?

Do you find that you treat alcohol as a friend? A friend? That’s stupid!

Why is it stupid? Alcohol’s not a person. It’s just a drink.

Why do you choose alcohol instead of going out with your friends? No one’s ever available anymore to go out when I call them up.

Why do you think that is? I’ve no idea. Maybe they just don’t like me anymore?

Why would you think that? Well, Josie said I’m fun to be around until I’ve had too much to drink.

What happened? Josie said I spilled my beer on her on purpose.

Did you? What? No! Oh, alright, yes, I was just having fun.

When “Fun Isn’t Fun” Anymore

Why did you think that was fun and an OK thing to do? Well, she was sitting there with her glass of Diet Coke, acting all prim and proper.

And that made you feel like…? It made me feel like I was a loser. She just had one beer and then switched to Diet Coke; why can’t I just have one drink and then stop?

Why do you drink, Claire? It brings me out of my shell. I don’t seem as dull and boring.

Why is that important? Because I don’t want to be thought of as dull and boring!

Why not? Because …

Because of what? Because that’s what my ex-husband said I was!

Why Does It Matter What The Ex Says?

Your ex, ah. Why does it matter what your ex says or thinks? Because … I don’t know. I wanted to be everything to him. I cooked and cleaned, kept a clean house, worked 50 hours a week so we could have things. And I’d have a few drinks because I’d get stressed out.

Why did you want to be ‘everything’ to him? Because I loved him, that’s why!

Did he leave you? Yes.

Why did he leave you? He said he didn’t want to live with a drunk anymore. I told him I had a problem and he needed to help me.

So what happened? He said he didn’t know how to help. He said he was tired of me always having a beer in my hand. He hated kissing me because I always tasted of beer. It’s not like he doesn’t drink – well, he might have a beer on the weekend, that’s it.

He Thinks I’m “A Loser”

So I take it he doesn’t get drunk? No. I get so jealous of that. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I then get angry at him when he calls me a loser.

Is that why you shared your story with me? Yes, I don’t want to be a loser. I’m NOT a loser! I just don’t know how to stop drinking! Can you help me?

Claire, I’ll do my best. We have to work on creating a new ritual. A ritual?

Yes, we have to create new brain associations. Brain associations? What are you talking about?

Claire, almost everything we do is linked to a ritual way of living. OK, so how do I do that?

New Rituals …

In the next blog post, I’ll talk about why creating a “new ritual” is the SECOND most important step to becoming sober, and what the FIRST step is. See you over there.

Do you, or a loved one, have a drinking problem? If someone shared this post with you, simply head on over and visit A New Sober You.